We are coming up on the six month anniversary of Donald J. Trump becoming CEO of the country. The Clown paid little attention to the hoary tradition of “the first 100 days” hoo-hah. The Clown knows that even a seasoned mogul such as Trump can’t get much done in the first 100 days of a new job. Those early days are filled with carefully reading through the HR-produced “Job Description, Responsibilities and Code of Conduct” binder, attending the mandatory diversity and sexual harassment sensitivity classes plus training on the use of your identity badge mag strip to get into the employee cafeteria. And the real time-killer, figuring out the parking garage. However, now that those formalities are out of the way and there has been addition on-the-job experience, the Clown thinks that a review of administration progress is in order.
America has once again elected a person of color to the Oval Office and there is hope in the air. Orange citizens throughout the nation are expecting great things to happen for their cohort. It’s hard not to share in their excitement even if your skin tone is more flour, ecru, mocha, burnt umber or onyx.
So, let’s take stock of where the president is along the Campaign Promises continuum.
First, how’s the wall coming along? Apparently quite well. Plans have been approved, survey teams are plotting the course, designers are calculating how many Trump family crests will need to be installed so that rapists, murderers, drug dealers and desperadoes will always be within sight of a Trump family crest when approaching the wall. That should give these jokers pause. Private building contractors are jockeying for position in the event that Congress actually funds the wall since Mexico reluctantly bailed on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. There is one potential hurdle; all of the Mexican brick layers have gone home.
How’s winding down of the Afghanistan War proceeding? The Clown believes, just as was the case in 1970, that we “can see the light at the end of the tunnel”. This is because the President has reached out for advice from world-renowned foreign policy consultant, German immigrant, bon vivant, Nixon Svengali and world-class toady, Henry Kissinger. While Kissinger’s advice, coupled with the Secretary of Defense’s request for another 5,000 US troops have moved us further back in the tunnel, there is yet a faint glow in the distance. Of course it could be an explosion. We’ll see.
Totally and immediately replacing Obamacare has been more complicated than the President initially grasped. Once again, however, there is light at the end of the tunnel, like when people report “near death” experiences. Trump’s close, personal friend, Paul Ryan, took a stab at it and nearly punctured his own groin. One should never hold the ACA in one’s lap while trying to stab it to death. Undaunted….well, slightly daunted, the Republicans in the Senate are working their unified and highly secretive magic to improve on the House’s first attempt, a bill that has become known as Ryan’s “I-used-to-think-that-I-could-be-president-one-day” bill. Trump has thrown his not insignificant weight behind these on-going efforts by declaring them “mean spirited”. With such a positive team effort, it’s hard to imagine failure.
How is “banning Muslims” coming along? Let’s move on.
Draining the swamp was a big campaign priority. Where are we on that? This goal is progressing nicely. One of the ways to reduce the headcount of Washington bureaucrats is simply not to fill all of the job openings available. The President has craftily used this strategy to leave over 500 of the 554 politically appointed senior management jobs vacant. Now that’s a way to save millions. Of course, these positions are currently being filled by career bureaucrats, some of whom, no doubt, are Democratic moles. However, combine these over 500 empty positions with the unfortunate exits from Trump’s team of, among others, Paul Manafort; Michael T. Flynn; his son, Michael G; James Woolsey; Michael Catanzaro; Michael Torrey; Michael McKenna; Mike Rogers; Vincent Harris; Kevin Kellems; Erica Freeman; Kevin O’Conner and the entire staff of the Trump Policy Team and it’s clear that the swamp is indeed, losing lots of critters.
Regarding job-stealing illegals, real success is obvious. The threat and actual deportation of undocumented Mexicans and Central Americans proceeds apace. According to the Mayor of Willard, Ohio, hundreds of $18/hour jobs are now available for hard-working Americans, planting and harvesting the areas’s vegetable crops. These crops have usually been tended by migrant laborers (many of whom are drug dealers, murderers, rapists and whatnot). These “workers” are not showing up this year out of fear. We can all be thankful for that. The only downside is that able-bodied American workers, looking for cushy jobs as a field hands, aren’t showing up either. As a result, and it was the case last year, Willard farmers will have to leave millions of dollars of crops unplanted or left to rot in the fields. Personally, I’m not going to miss celery and radishes all that much. If, however, the labor shortage hits Napa, it might be time to re-evaluate the policy.
One area of the job market that has really benefitted from the Trump presidency is the defense attorney industry. Every day, commuter jets from Laguardia touch down at Reagan and disgorge dozens of top-drawer defense lawyers, each one assigned to a different administration official at $450+ per hour and not a red cent coming from the country’s coffers. In addition, these parasi…..,uh, lawyers are looking forward to a much lower personal tax bracket when the congress and administration re-write the tax code. Then, as it happened in Kansas, these additional riches will trickle down to those on the assembly lines at Rolls Royce, Mercedes, Lamborghini, Maserati, BMW and Alpha Romeo, closing up the wealth gap across Europe. What’s not to like?
Of course, history will be the ultimate judge, but the Clown predicts that historians will one day reflect on Trump’s presidency and say,”It was really, really something, alright”.
Observoid of the Day: The problem is, 140 characters are just enough to spell out simple solutions to complex problems. Sad.