A February 11, 2018 article in the New York Times Sunday Magazine, a well-know distributor of “fake news” which is often actually true, revealed that today’s adolescents are getting their sexual education via on-line pornography and that this education is starting much earlier than most parents want to admit. Parents, and this goes back thousands of years, are really, really naive. When one is about 14, one’s parents are at their naivest.
Unlike the Clown, whose sex education occurred in Health Class, taught by Coach Winter the wrestling coach, today’s teens are able to access, on their smart phones and home computers, an actual sexual encounter between a very attractive woman and a very fortunate electrician. After all, he had just come by to repair something electrical. In fact, some teen boys now believe that the fastest way to start having sex is to become an electrician. Better still, a pool boy.
And, if teens wants a more respectable source of sexual information, they can join their parents in watching CNN’s interview with Stormy Daniels. Then the teens can ask mom and dad the meaning of “very traditional sex”. Ask for details, kids.
In the Clown’s junior high sex education class, there were no actual films of coitus. In fact, there were no illustrations of male or female genitalia. Of course, we guys knew what our genitalia looked like but there was a desperate lack of solid information regarding the female of the species.
Coach Winter did attempt to explain the female reproductive system by drawing a flip-chart version. First he drew and explained the ovaries and then the various tubes that transferred the eggs to the uterus, which he also drew. Finally he attempted a vague and not very accurate depiction of the vagina, a word that, by itself, could cause the stirrings of an erection in adolescent guys.
When he finished his diagram, we students were left with the impression that the female reproductive system looked very much like the head of a calf, little ears and all but, in this case they were ovaries. This was a slightly terrifying prospect, imagining that when my lucky day arrived, I would be confronted by, albeit on a smaller scale, a cow.
Of course, today’s teens would find this laughable, but then teens find much that the Clown says and does laughable, and not in a good way.
And so, armed with very little actionable information, the Clown sallied forth into the salacious land of junior high sex. In other words, nada. But then, the Clown had a couple of birthdays, got his driver’s license plus a used car, and sex education became more hands-on, if you get my drift. Still, the process of “education” was primarily a series of fumbling mistakes, paranoid worries and the valuable knowledge that certain Texaco service stations had condom machines in the men’s room.
Unfortunately for today’s teens, their fumbling and mistakes will be based on the misogynistic content of porn sites, where the sex is seen primarily as a male-dominated masturbatory fantasy land, having little to do with a healthy sexual relationship.
It’s not just the teen boys who are being thus “educated” but the girls too. They are seeing examples of what “women like” or so it seems in porn scenarios. So, perhaps they are supposed to, you know, “like it too”, even though it doesn’t look very enjoyable and often, degrading.
What is a responsible parent to do?
Well, you could initiate a frank talk with your teen. You can then discuss the types of foreplay that mom really, really likes, intercourse positions that dad prefers, the best ways to stimulate the clitoris, soft bondage techniques, screaming versus moaning, that sort of thing. Hahahahahahaha!
Or, you could buy them a book on the topic, throw it into their bedroom and run like hell. They’ll read it. Guaranteed.
“Sex: A Book For Teens” by Nikol Hasler, with a silhouette of a bull mounted on a cow on the cover, is one of the best. Alas, it seems to be out of print. There’s probably one or two others available but the Clown is far too lazy to do the research on your behalf.
Thankfully, the Clown is now a grandparent and is no longer required to come up with solutions to “parent problems” involving teens. The Clown can offer this, however: ignore the problem and it will eventually go away as the teens make their mistakes and figure it out for themselves.
If, however, you would like for the Clown to come to your kid’s school and draw diagrams of the female (and male) reproductive systems, sign the Waiting List.
Observoid of the Day: An Evangelical who believes that Donald Trump is a Christian role model should prepare for some tough questions at the Rapture.